24 February 2017
A kindly turn of speech multiplies a man’s friends,
and a courteous way of speaking invites many a friendly reply.
Let your acquaintances be many,
but your advisers one in a thousand.
If you want to make a friend, take him on trial,
and be in no hurry to trust him;
for one kind of friend is only so when it suits him
but will not stand by you in your day of trouble.
Another kind of friend will fall out with you
and to your dismay make the quarrel public,
and a third kind of friend will share your table,
but not stand by you in your day of trouble:
when you are doing well he will be your second self,
ordering your servants about;
but if ever you are brought low he will turn against you
and will hide himself from you.
Keep well clear of your enemies,
and be wary of your friends.
A faithful friend is a sure shelter,
whoever finds one has found a rare treasure.
A faithful friend is something beyond price,
there is no measuring his worth.
A faithful friend is the elixir of life,
and those who fear the Lord will find one.
Whoever fears the Lord makes true friends,
for as a man is, so is his friend.
Jesus came to the district of Judaea and the far side of the Jordan. And again crowds gathered round him, and again he taught them, as his custom was. Some Pharisees approached him and asked, ‘Is it against the law for a man to divorce his wife?’ They were testing him. He answered them, ‘What did Moses command you?’ ‘Moses allowed us’ they said ‘to draw up a writ of dismissal and so to divorce.’ Then Jesus said to them, ‘It was because you were so unteachable that he wrote this commandment for you. But from the beginning of creation God made them male and female. This is why a man must leave father and mother, and the two become one body. They are no longer two, therefore, but one body. So then, what God has united, man must not divide.’ Back in the house the disciples questioned him again about this, and he said to them, ‘The man who divorces his wife and marries another is guilty of adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another she is guilty of adultery too.’
Whoever fears the Lord makes true friends
I was feeling a little lost about what to reflect on for today’s readings – the first is about friendship, while the gospel is about marriage. I do not have anyone I can count as a best friend or even very close friends, nor am I married or in a relationship. I prayed about it and was led to this blog page where the writer related her experience of finding spiritual friends. Through the page, I learned about the writings of Saint Francis de Sales on friendship. I find them to be a good guide on how to build true spiritual friendships with others, and would like to share some of his writings with you.
“If men share false and vain things, their friendship will be false and vain; if that which is good and true, their friendship will be good and true…” What do you talk about with your good friends? I am grateful to have several friends with whom I can have deep meaningful conversations with, and I have a special love for those with whom I have shared spiritual ideas and thoughts with in an open and trusting manner. “If the bond of your mutual liking be charity, devotion and Christian perfection, God knows how very precious a friendship it is!” I have learned that having such “spiritual friends” is of paramount importance for one to continually grow in faith, especially in this present age where there are so many distractions that can lead one astray.
I have heard about two famous examples of spiritual friendships among saints – that between Saint Francis of Assisi and Saint Clare, and between Saint Francis de Sales and Saint Jane de Chantal. It was evident that although they were close friends of the opposite sex, their eyes were not on each other but were looking in the same direction – towards God. In this way their friendship became apostolic and life-giving, allowing them to become pillars of faith in their own communities.
“And friendship is the most dangerous of all affections, because any other love may exist without much mental communication, but as friendship is founded thereon, it is hardly possible to be closely bound by its ties to any one without sharing in his qualities.” We like to talk about meeting the ‘right one’, but if instead we get to the meet the ‘right friend’, how precious would that friendship be!
(Today’s OXYGEN by Edith Koh)
Prayer: We pray for the Holy Spirit to send us good and holy friendships at different points in life’s journeys.
Thanksgiving: We give thanks for the true spiritual friends you have blessed us with, and for all those who have truly loved us for who we are.